Sometimes I feel like a total failure as a mother. I do “my best” for my family, but there are shining moments like tonight that make me wonder how good my best can be. I don’t want to get into the details of what happened this evening, but I now have poison control on speed dial and my son took an unfortunate trip down the stairs. To polish things off, I ate some frozen custard from Andy’s. If you’ve never experienced Andy’s, just don’t do it unless you want to develop a lifelong longing for the creamiest frozen custard known to man—or at least to me. I justified my trip tonight because we had a long, rough day of renovations, plus my husband flashed his puppy dog eyes at me while requesting it before I walked out the door to go to Home Depot. Now I feel guilty because I just gave Silas a ton of sugary goop. I failed both of my sons (and my growing behind).
This is obviously a venting session for a blog post, but I think it’s important to share some of the realities of our lives to any audience we have—particularly in a blogging setting. There are so many bloggers out there who are wonderful and appear to be only wonderful. Don’t get me wrong, so many readily admit their flaws and struggles, but it’s difficult to conceptualize their lives being anything like yours when you read about how they make everything from cloth diapers to household cleaners to apple pies daily. That was a bit of an exaggeration, but I definitely feel inferior. I’m certainly a spring chick to homemaking and being a stay at home mom compared to these wonderful ladies, but days like today really make me question how long it takes to be an effective one—or at least one who gets a few things right!
I had a brief, eye-opening conversation with a fellow church member a couple weeks ago. He discussed a study he read on how people are developing misconceptions about people they read about via social media and basically feel like failures due to the people they read about because everyone puts on their “smiley faces” when they post. Even in my short span of blogging, I already feel as though I’m painting my life as something more sensational than it really is. Yes, I do the things I write about (some of them only once), but I fail in so many areas that in my mind negate anything “good” I’ve done. Of course, I can’t imagine anyone subscribing to or being interested in someone who writes about their regular failures in life. What a drag!
I don’t plan to be a Debbie Downer in my posts, but I will always try to add some authenticity. I’m a sinner. I’m imperfect, a failure and overly critical of myself at times. I’m ever in need of a Savior. I need Christ’s mercy and grace every day. I also need to extend grace to myself and everyone around me. I have moments I feel like I’m destroying my son’s life—tonight would be one of those moments. 😉 Tomorrow is another day I can try again, though. Praise God, I’ve had some great conversations with some wonderful, godly and seasoned mothers who have offered me so much advice and encouragement. My hope is woman can continue encouraging and growing in our roles as homemakers and mothers. We have the most important job in the world of raising our children—the future—and need God to guide us in this task, the encouragement of others and the ability to forgive ourselves when we don’t live up to our own lofty expectations. I think we’d all like to be that Proverbs 31 woman, but we can’t be her every day and in every moment.